I’d like to let my friends and family as well you you can’t be safe enough no matter how much you try to keep up with the scammers. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like 'east.'ġ9. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.ġ8.

When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?ġ7. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, 'Why, what did you hear?'ġ6. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.ġ5. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say 'nothing,' it does not mean I am free. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, 'Did you bring the money?'ġ1. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.ġ0. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.Ĩ. When I say, 'The other day,' I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.ħ. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.Ħ. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.ĥ. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.Ĥ. To me, 'drink responsibly' means don't spill it.ģ. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.Ģ.

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